The time has come for SUPERHEROES!
Howdy Folks! It's MOI, Pizzawoman! Delivering Pies from the Skies, lickety-split!
(well maybe I shouldn't use THAT turn of phrase...), getting your din-dins to you and yours
INAFLASH! Nice and HOT and TASTY and SuperDuperFast! That's ME! Your friendly, neighbourhood Superhero!
Friend of kids with big shiny eyes, jumping up and down at the door and shouting,
"It's PIZZAWOMAN!"
Pizza's here!
Friend of adults who are hurried, scurried, flurried, and oh so grateful that Pizza's here!
Friend of all good dogs and cats everywhere. They know. They can HEAR well in advance when Pizzawoman arrives. They bark excitedly, or purr around the door, letting the family know that PIZZAWOMAN has arrived!
Friend of all people everywhere, with a growling in
their stomachs and a friendly smile to share!
Don't forget to TIP your Superhero, folks! She can give a BETTER service when she's a little better oiled, if you get my drift!
Young men, sorry boys... the younger gals just haven't reached Superhero status, pretty though they may be. That doesn't mean you should forego the tip!
Be Kind to your friendly, neighborhood Pizzawoman, particularly if she has SILVER STREAKS in her HAIR!
Now I must FLY.... got lotza pizza to distribute, far and wide! Check in regularly for The Adventures of Pizza Woman!
Toodle-Pip folks! Up, up, and AWAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYY!
posted by Sue-Lynn TX @ 7:59 AM
13 Comments:
At 7/13/2006 8:39 AM,
Sue-Lynn TX said…
The VERY first CAPER (coff coff) of Pizzawoman was an EYE OPENER! There I was, all spic 'n span in my NEW Superhero Outfit, face all washed and eyes all sparkly, arriving at a DOOR with Pizza in hand and a big grin on my face!
The door opens quickly and a young man stands there, with an expectant look on his face and a fistful of dollars in his hand!!
I greet him enthusiastically and tell him the total. As my mouth opens, THE LOOK, crosses his face! I could see all his thoughts in a split second! "Where is the young pretty chick??" "Who is this WOMAN with SILVER STREAKS in her hair?" "I'M NOT GONNA TIP AN OLD BROAD!" His mouth opens and he says, "Just a minute..." while the door swings to! A few seconds pass by. The door reopens and VOILA! The EXACT change! My, My! How prepared were we?
This Superhero smiles brightly and says, "Thank you, SOOOO much!" and hands over the PIZZA with thoughts of "things I should have said," whizzing through her mind! Ah well, can't win 'em all! And off she whizzes to her NEXT mouth-to-feed!!! Eat My Dust!
At 7/13/2006 5:40 PM,
Julie-ND said…
Guess what we had for supper tonight!! Pizza! But not delivered by a beautiful doll like Pizzawoman. We had to go to the store and get ours ourself. I feel cheated by golly. If you came to my house, silver streaks and all, I would tip you heavily. Now please keep in mind that in our area most pizza deliverers are men. So I am wondering what the young man in your story was waiting for. Me thinks something is amiss here. Next time, if there ever is a next time, I delivered at his house I would put the pizza on the top of my car so it would get good and cold and perhaps get some bugs or bird droppings on it. Then tell him that the size of his tip determines how his pizza will arrive the next time. I don't think after I did that that I would possibly have much of a future in the pizza delivery business but at least I would feel satisfied.
I bet by the time your pizza delivery job is but a memory you will have tons of stories to tell.
Take care and if you are ever up in my area, perhaps you will take a wrong turn or something, my favorite pizza is mushroom and beef or perhaps canadian bacon and pineapple. Just in case....
Love you lots and lots
Julie
At 7/14/2006 6:27 AM,
Sue-Lynn TX said…
You had to get it YOURSELVES?? Now THAT's not FAIR! If I were in your vicinity, Julie darlin, I would DROP it in in a FLASH!! The "tip heavily" sounds just GREAT, but for YOU, darlin, I would do it for FREE!!! Heheheh!
As far as what the young man was waiting for is concerned, my hubby tells me that you see EVERYTHING THERE IS TO SEE in the world doing this job! Not sure if I can't wait or if I can't wait!! (if you know what I mean!) Shiverrrrrrrr! LOLOL!
LOL, Julie, I LOVE your approach! Bugs and bird droppings... who would even be able to TELL on a pizza! ROFLMAO! You are TOO funny! Maybe that's one to keep in my arsenal! Feelings of satisfaction seem harder to come by these days! LOL!
You're a darlin, Julie! I love to see your little Po arrive! Always improves my day! Have a GOOD week and weekend, girlfriend! Lotsa love and hugs to you!
At 7/14/2006 6:43 AM,
Sue-Lynn TX said…
The second adventure of Pizzawoman begins with a buzzzzz. The fearful buzz of MOSQUITOES that is! NOT ONLY are there hordes of nasty little bloodsuckers, but there resides within them the possibility of WEST NILE VIRUS!!
Guess WHO needed to take the run furthest from the STORE? Yours Truly, PIZZAWOMAN! The place? Out THERE, past the creek, past the long grasses, past the BOTANICAL GARDENS!
PIZZAWOMAN ZIPPED along, enjoying the scenery. New houses! How pretty. Greenery. A creek WITH WATER IN IT due to recent rains (thank goodness). Long grasses, flowers and birds! Oh how pretty. Pizzawoman had not been this way before. The house was not difficult to locate! It's brand new and not many houses nearby. A new residential area folks, right alongside the Oso Bay area and nature refuge... neighbours of the botanical gardens! HOW LOVELY. Nice big house too. Armed with two 2L bottles of soda and a batchful of pizza and sides, I rang the doorbell. Lots of children ran to the door and pressed their noses excitedly against the glass! THE PIZZA has arrived. As many children as there were inside, multiply by about 1,000 to calculate the number of mosquitoes OUTSIDE! With MOI! Omigosh! Pizzawoman had forgotten to put on her invisible shield.... MOZZIE SPRAY!
Now, ladies and gents, it is actually impossible to SWAT mozzies when your arms are full! The door did not open. The kids were trying to talk to me through the glass. I could make out... "Daddy," and "money" and I waited, doing the "Pizzawoman being driven mad" by mosquitoes dance!! I have an idea it's not TOO different from the Tarantella!
After QUITE some time dancing with the pests, Daddy arrived at the door! Now folks, I immediately handed over the drinks so I could free my hand to do the money transaction (apart from the necessary swatting). Daddy PALED at the sight of the mosquitoe horde and thrust the dollars into my hand. As fast as I could, I thrust the piping hot pizza and sides into his hands, with the children's eyes dancing and glittering. Yours truly, Pizzawoman was told to "Keep the change," (I am sure he felt quite quilty at having left me outdoors for the while that he looked for his money,) and I swooped off to the car as fast as humanly possible, the front door closing like a whipper snapper in a vain attempt to dispel the mosquitoes!
I lurched toward my car like a drunken fool, trying to dodge those starving little bloodsuckers, opened the door and grabbed the bottle of INVISIBLE SHIELD! I began spraying like a fiend! Cough, splutter. Do I spray my face too??? Then I got back into my vehicle, with about 100 little varmints! Aaarrrggghh!
Taking my cape, I swatted around inside like a mad thing, but those sneaky little buggers knew where to hide! Finally I got back to the store, only to load up for my NEXT adventure! Summer rains have come to strike DREAD in the hearts of intrepid pizza deliverers, as they KNOW they must stand outside the door, while the pesky blighters try to SUCK THEIR BLOOD!
Moral of the story: Spray on your invisible shield BEFORE you do the job!!!!
At 7/14/2006 4:21 PM,
Julie-ND said…
Yes, my dear, and make sure your invisible shield has lots and lots of DEET in it. Of course if you use enough of that stuff you may grow an extra head or start to glow in the dark. I know that is drastic but you have to protect yourself from that west nile virus. We have had a few people die from it in ND. There are certain things that you can eat that make you Non-attractive to the little skeeters. I will do some research and find out what it is and let you know. I know they didn't like my Dad at all and he drove tractors right down into mosquito headquarters. Unfortunately I think they like people that eat cake. Drat the luck anyway.
Another approach is to carry a flame thrower where ever you go. It may bother some of your customers when you come to the door and have to put your flame thrower down in order to hand them the pizza but heck, hasn't anyone heard of taking care of #1. Just tell them it is to keep the pizza hot for them. Tell-tail scortch marks on the house may tip them off differently but by then you will be long gone having procured a hefty gratuity for the unusually warm pizza. I'll get back to you on the mosquito repelling food. TTFN
Love you lots and lots
Julie
At 7/14/2006 8:31 PM,
Sue-Lynn TX said…
Thanx for the warning, Julie, you're a real honey! You have a Brave Dad to plow headfirst into Mozzie Headquarters! Phew, those noisy little blighters know a toughie when they see one and better for THEM to steer clear!
Now a FLAMETHROWER... THAT's a PERFECT accessory for Pizzawoman, right? Excellent suggestion, Julie, KEEP THAT PIZZA PIPING HOT! LOL! Can I have mine in PINK? LOL!
Thanx for the what-to-eat-to-not-be-too-sweet suggestion! Bless your heart!
Well tonight started with a bang and ended with a fizzle!! What stands out in my mind are three very different scenarios. The first was a delivery to a woman with a bottle of Frappuccino in her hand and three "littlies" at the door! Their eyes were WIDE and they wanted their PIZZA! Mom told me that it was a BIRTHDAY! Woohoo! Which one of the littlies was the birthday person, I asked. The middle-sized little girl with pretty blonde curls and big blue eyes was the birthday girl. I wished her a Very Happy Birthday and a LOVELY Pizza Party! Mom commented that she should have put her drink down. I asked, "Is that Mocha?" "No," she replied, "it's Caramel!" "Caramel?? That must be NEW!" "Yes, it is," she said. I remarked that Mocha was my favourite and she said that it was sold out, to which I replied, "Yes, it usually IS!" That lady gave me a nice tip, and I left feeling like we all had a warm glow from the exchange.
The second situation was not that pleasant. Better part of town and a LOVELY house. No number visible, but judging from the surrounding houses, I guessed that it must be the house I needed to deliver to. It took a while for the door to open. A woman stood in the doorway looking aggrieved. her arm was in a sling. I said that I would need to check the driver's licence as she had written a check. She looked annoyed and told me that the number was ON the check. "Oh," said I in a surprised way. I had not seen that before. She told me that she was in some pain. "Do I still need to find my driver's licence?" she asked in a clipped tone. "No, that will be alright," I said. "I hope you feel better soon, and enjoy the pizza." Her expression softened for just an instant, but I had already turned to depart and dance around the mosquitoes hovering and ready to bite! I only noticed, when in the car, that the check had been made out a penny short! Needless to say, there was NO gratuity.
The very next delivery, I had been warned, was to a customer who had spoken about a "special coupon" and about which the store had no knowledge. I was told that if the customer did NOT produce the coupon, I was to make sure I got the FULL amount for the "discounted pizza." I arrived at another lovely big home, across the road from the one I had delivered to the previous week, when I arrived in 17 minutes, and before the homeowner got back home!! I waited a few minutes at the door and was about to leave, when he zoomed in apologetically, commenting that he had not expected SUCH A FAST DELIVERY! I said, "We aim to please!"
When I arrived at the house, the man had the check in hand. I asked for the coupon and steeled myself. His wife came up behind him and had the flyer in hand, showing me the discount deal. I asked if they would be kind enough to let me take the flyer back to the store so the store could see what the special deals were. At that moment, a BEAUTIFUL marmalade cat appeared at the glass pane beside the door. He had gorgeous hazel eyes. I exclaimed, "Oh what a BEAUTIFUL cat! Cats are my FAVOURITE!" The woman instantly melted. She said that he was a friendly animal. I told her that I had had Burmese cats which were VERY doglike. She told me that her cat was doglike too. I told her about my adoption of Mr. Hobbes. We felt like old friends. She entreated me to be careful and stay safe! I suggested she get inside and out of range of the bloodthirsting mozzies! Her husband had long since disappeared inside the house, with the pizza. They were kind enough to tip me too! I think I made a friend this day. Sometimes one just senses a kindred spirit! She also had eyes almost the same colour as those of her Marmalade cat, called Gator!
At 7/17/2006 3:15 PM,
Julie-ND said…
Your delivery stories just tickle me. It's pretty amazing the way people can act. But I have always learned you catch more flies with honey and you are certainly proof of that. Just talking to them the way you do softens some pretty hard exteriors. You are one smart super hero. I know that if I had someone come to my door in your pink cape and blue tights I would give you a big tip. Especially since your picture makes it look like you could beat the stuffin' out of me if I didn't. Just teasing!!!! Seriously, I do know that people in the food service industry sometimes don't make even minimum wage because the employers figure in what they are supposed to make in tips. So if you don't get tipped you aren't even making minimum wage. My daughter works in a bar to make extra money and that is the case with her.
Anyhooo...Talk to you later Pizzawoman. Up Up and Away.....
Love ya
Julie
At 7/17/2006 7:01 PM,
Mountain Mama said…
PizzaWoman, you are a credit to superheroes everywhere!
I love your pizza delivery stories. I have a half screen door on my front entrance, and usually I just lower the window when I get pizza delivered so that the dogs don't get out. Probably somewhere a pizza delivery person is telling a story about the crazy lady with 6 dogs!!!
At 7/20/2006 9:21 AM,
Catnappin said…
PIZZAWOMAN! You go, Girl! Julie has the best idea re: the flamethrower, which could be used for a variety of purposes, such as "accidentally" discharging it on creepy guys who don't tip the ever-lovely silver-haired Pizzawoman! Let them be as crispy as the pizza crusts they're about to eat!
Tips are huge for people like you, and its not rocket science, so people ought to know that you make a majority of your living thru tips. May those who don't tip always have cold, soggy pizza delivered to them ever after! But not by Pizzawoman, who is way to conscientious to do such a thing!
Although if she were to "accidentally" drop a non-tipper's pizza into a mosquito-infested bog before delivering it, I certainly would look the other way...
Rock On, Pizzawoman! =^..^=
At 7/20/2006 11:10 AM,
Sue-Lynn TX said…
You gals are just DA BEST! You keep me laughing and keep me zipping!! Does that sound right??
Julie, I would just LOVE to deliver pizza to you in my blue tights and pink cape! LOL.. However, I would FLY in and you would get as much pizza as you could eat for FREEEEE! Wheeeeeeeeeeeeee! Free Peeza from the Big Pink Pee! LOL! Uh oh, the mind boggles a little!!!!
Puggi, thanx darling! I would LOVE to deliver to you too! Imagine all those ‘lil doggi faces pushing at the screen door, eyes shiny, tails wiggling, mouths panting and drooling and barking…. I LOVE animals (as long as they don’t want a Piece of ME!) Hehehe! Woohoooo…. SIX DOGS…. Waytogo girl!!
LOLOL Catnappin! Crispy creepy guys! Woohooo! I am laughing my SOX off as we SPEAK! Hhehehehe! I second the thought about those who don’t tip having cold soggy pizza! LOL! Maybe they don’t tip because they have cold soggy lives??? LOL! Seriously though, folks, I do know that there are people who just don’t have the extra cash or can’t afford to tip…. Well, perhaps they shouldn’t be ordering pizza?? Shrug! I guess they’re the only ones who REALLY know! LOL!
ROFLMAO Nappin…. I COULD EASILY “accidentally” drop a pizza into a mosquito-infested bog around here… it’s raining again… and guess WHO’S delivering pizza TONIGHT???? HAHA!
LOL, Catwoman, your “Rock On,” made me think of the Karate Kid! Rock on, Rock off…. Rock On…. Rock Off! LOLOL! I know …. I’m weird!! Hehehe… oodle pip!
At 7/20/2006 6:29 PM,
Catnappin said…
*LMAO!* Oodle Pip! Oh my gosh, too funny! :D
Now listen here...with your flamethrower comes serious responsibilities. Follow these 10 easy steps to ensure proper use:
1. When accidentally turning the flamethrower on a non-tipping customer, be sure to turn the head of the apparatus completely away from you. Fire burns rubber...in this case, your latex suit...so be sure to aim that thing properly.
2. Never use said flamethrower behind anyone who has recently eaten beans for dinner. And if they've recently eaten beans for dinner, why have they ordered pizza?! Get on outta there, Girl! Something is fishy!
3. Wear proper eye protection. You'll want to be able to see when customers have reached correct level of crispiness.
4. Do not over-flame customers, even when tempted and even if they deserve to be well-done. Just give them a moderate toasting that they won't soon forget.
5. Flamethrower may be used against mosquitoes who are swarming you in large quantities. For your convenience, a special attachment is enclosed with your flamethrower that will disperse the flame evenly among skeeters. Bye-bye, Bug Spray!
6. Observe proper fashion etiquette: your flamethrower should match your blue suit and pink accessories. May I suggest a blue flamethrower with pink polka dots and the mantra "Fear This" printed on its side in fuschia?
7. As all true superheroes know, its not about just being able to use your accessories, but being to use them with style and panache. Twirl that flamethrower like you're making candy floss, Girlfriend! Practice makes perfect!
8. Proper maintenance is essential in order to ensure that your flamethrower will be ready for action at a moment's notice. Soak flamethrower in Tabasco hot sauce and let dry in the Texas sun for maximum flaming effects.
9. Should any customer report you to local law enforcement agencies for improper use of flamethrower, remind the law that you are Pizzawoman, and that do not want to mess with you. If they continue to think they do, reach into your car for that handy stash of donuts you keep there for just this type of situation and distract them with said treats until you can make a clean getaway. On your way outta there, be sure to remind the crispy customer who reported you, "You forget, I know where you live, buddy! Revenge will be mine! Hahahaha!"
10. If you cannot flee the scene fast enough in your car, attach flamethrower to your tailpipe for extra liftoff speed. Up, up and away! Clean properly when you return to earth. (See #8)
Texas, I trust that you are now aware of the great honor that comes with carrying a flamethrower. May it serve you well, and if it ever gets you into trouble...you did not get this list of instructions from me! :D
{{{{HUGS!!!!}}}} =^..^=
At 7/20/2006 6:38 PM,
Catnappin said…
LOL!!!!!* I'm re-reading your post...The Big Pink Pee! Oh my gosh, honey, you are a card!!!!! :D :D :D
At 7/21/2006 1:13 PM,
Julie-ND said…
I am so glad I wasn't drinking any coffee or soda while reading your post Cat!! I would be now wiping it off my screen.
Those are very brilliant tips about carrying a flame thrower. Obviously you have put a lot of thought into this. I am not sure there are and real rules for flame thrower users to follow and this gives them some guide lines that will come in very handy. Especially is they are super hero pizza women. Especially super hero's must realize that the accessorizing can make or break a first impression. No one will take anyone seriously with a flame thrower unless it matches their outfit. Plus if it does blend in with the colors of her attire then they might not even notice it right away assurring that she will be able to get a good toasting done before they even realize what is going on.
There will always be the crafty customer with the beans aftereffect and they will try to put the reversal flame throw on you. The flame is much less effective than the flame with the actual flame thrower but it comes with an odoriferous side effect that can be most unpleasant. BE PREPARED for that!! Either a full can of Glade air freshner or a gas mask will do. You shouldn't have to worry about the "beans thing" tho unless they are customers that have felt the wrath of the flame thrower before and were planning on being poor tippers yet again. These cagey characters may decide that they will beat you at your own game and must be stopped in their tracks. At this point it is imperative you blast them while they are still facing you. This should shock their system enough so that the gas will harmlessly dissapate or they will think twice about even releasing their secret weapon. You would think 2 good scortchings would smarten these poor tippers up.
Anyway, Pizza woman, memorize the rules that Catnappin' gave you. They are very good rules. Then chew up and swallow the hard copy so they can't be traced back to her.
Remember, Be Safe, Be Smart!!!!!! Up Up and Away....
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